This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
