How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
