He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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