Are we in a gay sports bar?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
