That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
