Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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