You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
