the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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