dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
