Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
