i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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