Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
