I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
