So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
