she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
