you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
