She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
