i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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