My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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