An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
