Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
