I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
