Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
