hell yes lets make some ravioli
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
