So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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