I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
