even my farts smell like vagina
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
