no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
