Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
