I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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