Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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