There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
