i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My bed smells like the plague
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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