Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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