I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
