WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He has the fingertips of a God
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
