i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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