Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
