That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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