he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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