You work out of a Hotel?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
