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Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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