I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
