omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
