I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
