I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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