there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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