Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
