so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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