I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
