I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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