sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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